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The Pain of Being Misunderstood

Communication has to be one of the most wonderfully difficult challenges in life. Whether among friends, family, or co-workers, conversation can be hard work with unpredictable and problematic outcomes.

Even here in cyberspace with all of its self-protective anonymity, who will deny that, depending on how much we’ve been willing to say, we can– from the response of others– feel misunderstood and judged in ways that seem so unfair.

Certainly here, as in our own families, work places, and churches, we can all know the pain of being misunderstood for something we didn’t say or mean to say.

Yet none of us wants to be caught judging someone else. Even though it seems like a foregone conclusion that we will give ourselves the benefit of the doubt– while withholding the same from others, we also intuitively sense, or rationally conclude, that God alone understands where each of us is coming from… and what the intent of our heart really is…

But… do you ever wonder if even God feels the pain of being misunderstood? Should we conclude that Psalm 2:4 says it all when it suggests that the LORD of the heavens can laugh off our global contempt for him? Or does God’s love make even him vulnerable to the pain of our wrong assumptions about who he is, what he has or has not said, and what he longs for?

That might be something worth thinking about together, especially in light of what we are told about the way the Judge of all the earth interacted with both friends and enemies– in the days of the his inexpressibly important but painful visit.

We all know what it means to hurt and be hurt. So what do you think? Is it possible that we can find help in the one who most fully felt our insults and misjudgments? What do we know about him that can help us minimize our tendency to shoot from the hip… and build protective barriers… rather than risky bridges?


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51 Responses to “The Pain of Being Misunderstood”

  1. SFDBWV says:

    Since I believe that Jesus has shown us the nature of God, and I accept the fact that we are made in His image, I can believe that God feels the same pain of hurt and rejection of joy and laughter,as do we.

    The scripture bears out the facts that the Holy Spirit can feel the pain of insult, and I have certainly felt that same Spirit in me be moved by the words and actions of others.

    I think it is important that we remember this and treat God with the same common respect we would want others to treat us with.

    We all who share our thoughts and lives here on the blog get our feelings hurt, at sometime or another. We can either try and explain ourselves, sluff it off, or absorb the hit. We, most of us have done all three. This is one of the chances we all take in being open and social with other people. Most of us learn how to deal with the “playground” issues early in life. Unfortunately for some they are reclusive and hide their feelings behind different doors.

    Making up after a disagreement always feels better, but sometimes all one can do is walk away.

    When I was an officer in the local United Mine Workers Union, we had many wildcat strikes and confrontations with management. Things would and sometimes did get very ugly.

    I always had a rule of thumb when dealing with confrontational issues. If you are right, stand up and fight for that right; But if you are not, sit down and shut up.

    Of course “right” is often not as clear as we would like to believe.

    What is it that the Holy Spirit urges us to do? I think it is always that I try to fix misunderstandings with others, it is then up to the other whether or nor there will be healing.

    I can understand why some people go off and have as little contact with others as possible. Even Jesus had to escape once in a while, in order to have “peace”. But ultimately we all have to return down from the mountain.

  2. carlj says:

    I have had times where I said something but was misunderstood and wished I could do a better job of being understood. And, I think to be understood is a need all of us have. I didn’t relate this to GOD until you brought it up. It makes me wonder if what is said in Isaiah is related to this… In order that you may know and believe Me and understand that I am He.

  3. pegramsdell says:

    I think if anyone knows what it’s like to be misunderstood, it is Jesus. He was constantly misunderstood and still is. His Word(s) are always being twisted to change their meaning. Sometimes out of ignorance, sometimes on purpose. Because He didn’t pull any punches. He said it like it is, the truth. And that hurts sometimes. Most of the time. lol….
    I’m sure I have hurt Him, but I know He forgives me. Because He loves me.

    And like Steve said, sometimes people isolate themselves so as not to be hurt. I do that all the time. I know I need to forgive people for hurting me, but it is soooo hard. I can say I forgive them, but then I stay away from them as much as possible.

    I’m so glad that The Lord sticks close to me, even when I hurt Him. :)

  4. refump says:

    As the saying goes, “Message sent is not always message received”. What we intend to communicate & what we hear comes from the place we are in our walk with Christ which can be so different for each of us. Our immediate response or reaction to what we read or hear from another is it supports what I think or it goes against what I think. When is goes against what we think we often react defensively because of our pride. We could be wrong or at least not seeing the whole picture on the subject & that doesn’t sit well with us. We don’t take a few moments to consider & maybe reconsider what the other person is saying & why they might be saying it. Mart, your questions was, “What do we know about him that can help us minimize our tendency to shoot from the hip… and build protective barriers… rather than risky bridges?” We know that He is the God of grace & mercy & asks us to be sure we remove the plank in our own eye before we try to remove the splinter in some else’s. We know He loves us with an unfathomable love & desires a deep relationship with us that requires communication. We know He wants us to love one another as we love ourselves. We know He asks us to trust Him with all our heart & lean not unto our own understanding so He can direct our paths. We know that He sent His only son to die in our stead for our sins & that His son rose again to show that He has the power to give us eternal life with Him & that He is now preparing a place for us – all because of His love for us & desire to have fellowship with us. We know only in Him can we have the strength to build those risky bridges that ultimately will glorify the one & only God, the giver of life.

  5. pegramsdell says:

    Very well said, RF. No misunderstanding that. :)

  6. Hisgirl4life says:

    Great devotion Mart (and one we could all ponder)! Our communication (verbal and non-verbal)speaks volumes to a watching world. Yes, I believe we often grieve the Holy Spirt of God by our communication attempts, and sometimes the lack thereof. God is LOVE. We are created in the image of God. He has given us a mission to carry the message of Christ to the world. If we always say whatever we desire to whoever we see in whatever way we deem best, we cannot expect to hear or receive from others the message we want to hear. Total daily dependence upon God’s grace and leading is our only hope. “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14

  7. wretch-like-me says:

    Mart:
    This one gives me pause. I struggle with whether being God presupposes that He knows ahead of time how someone will react to His attempt to communicate. And if He knows ahead of time how I am going to react, does that alter His presentation?

    My understanding of God comes from experience in two forms; my own and the experiences of others. The scriptures are basically an account of the history of interaction between God and Mankind. If I believe they are the Word of God, I can take to heart their truthful depiction of this history.

    I come to the conclusion that despite God’s ‘perfect’ attempts to communicate with mankind, our ‘sinful’ nature and our ‘free will’ make it impossible to hear accurately and respond appropriately to every message. We have Jesus’s comment to Peter ( ) that leads me to believe it is only by God’s Grace that we receive and comprehend. Beyond that, due to God’s character, He can do nothing further to ‘force us’ to respond in His direction.

    That leads me back to you original question. Does God grieve over ‘miscommunication’? Does a parent grieve when despite their best attempts to reach/teach their children they must release them to discover/learn for themselves? ABSOLUTELY!!!

    Does it cause us to stop trying? I wish I could say without doubt that it does not; however, due to sin and the baggage it brings, for some it does.

    I thank God that He is without Sin. It means that He never stops trying to reach us this side of death and I cannot help but wonder if at the final judgement He offers us one last chance. Sadly, by that time it is most likely that a lifetime of habitual rejection of God will cause us to ‘damn ourselves’. (Read Randy Alcorn’s novel “Deadline”)

    I suppose this is one point that disturbs me most when I find people who refuse to consider any opinion other than their own. It frightens me that they may already be developing a ‘hardening of the heart’ against God.

    This latter phrase speaks volumes to me regarding God’s limitless ability to be ‘vulnerable’ to His creation in that He is willing to risk being deeply wounded to the point of and including physical death to communicate His Message of Love and Salvation.

    If that doesnt make me weep, there is something gravely wrong with me (NOT GOD) and my heart has hardened.

    Final thought:
    Daisy, our last exchange ended poorly. Please forgive me for my failure to communicate the ‘love of Christ’. There is a reason I end my posts with Huggs. I wish it could be ‘in person’.

    Huggs
    frank

  8. wretch-like-me says:

    Sorry, folks, forgot to reference Matthew 16:17 in the parentheses following Jesus’s comment to Peter.

    huggs
    frank

  9. poohpity says:

    Our Daily Bread for today is wonderful. I really think God organizes thing to fit so perfectly together for those who LOVE HIM. He is the GOOD Teacher.

    Stay in Christ
    Deb

  10. poohpity says:

    It is so funny still. When I went to the verse for the day that is sent to me from KLOVE this is what it said, “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing”.

    ~ Proverbs 12:18, NLT

  11. saled says:

    Communication is indeed one of the most (wonderfully?)
    difficult challeges in life. I wonder why God chose to confuse man’s language at the tower of Babel? God said that if he had not confused the language, nothing would be impossible for man. When I think about the trouble that we have gotten into in spite of our communication difficulties (e.g. the success of the Manhattan Project) I guess I see why God chose to make communication difficult.

    What I know about Jesus that helps me minimize assuming the worst about people is this: he said, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. J. Vernon MaGee used to say that when he heard that someone had been speaking of him in an unfavorable way, he would think to himself, “If only they REALLY knew me, they would have somthing to talk about.” Jesus helps us know ourselves, and that makes me less judgemental.

  12. bubbles says:

    Psalm 19:14 May the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O, Lord, my strength and my redeemer.”

    The understanding I receive from this verse is the basis for communication. What is pondered in the heart, comes out the mouth. . eventually. (!) This is difficult to do in th thick of things, when one is calling the shots non stop. I really struggle when there isn’t a spare second to get a breath.

    Since God is omniscient, doesn’t He already know how we will react and think about Him? If we are not thinking correctly/misunderstanding Him, it could be from incorrect teachings we have received, or perhaps an individual’s entire paradigm is skewed. Guess that is why it’s so important to spend time with Him, getting to know Him through His Word and prayer. When we misunderstand Him, and it’s done innocently without bitterness or anger, when we just don’t “get it,” that wouldn’t be considered sin, would it? I’m very thankful that God has given us His Word, so we can learn about Him. The Great I AM wants fellowship with us. That is truly an amazing, awesome thing!!

    When we misunderstand God, we can still trust Him because He is always good. Always. No matter what happens.

  13. Stranger in Earth says:

    I believe that most Christians, if not all, pass through experiences when they are misunderstood or misjudged by others. Does God feel the pain they go through? Of course, the Bible says in Isiah 63:9 “In all their affliction He was afflicted, And the angel of His presence saved them; In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them, And He lifted them and carried them all the days of old.” But why does He allow us to go through such trials and seems as if He doesn’t come to our rescue immediately? He’s got a plan. He’s working in our lives. He wants to teach us lessons we can’t learn except through such experiences. Take the life of Joseph, the son of Jacob. He was misunderstood by his brothers, then sold twice, then accused falsely by Potiphar’s wife and misjudged and put in jail. Even after he interpreted the dreams to the cupbearer and the baker of Pharaoh. The cupbearer forgot what Joseph asked him, to tell Pharaoh that he was innocent. Praise God because the cupbearer forgot. Because God had His own timing. When Pharaoh dreamt the two dreams in one night, then was the Lord’s timing to bring Joseph from the jail to the highest place ever, which Joseph didn’t even dream about. So, lets’ keep our eyes on our faithful Lord. Let’s learn whatever lessons He wants us to learn. Lets’ not lose heart, but wait upon the Lord and be encouraged. Our Lord is good and faithful. He’s got a plan for each one of us and a timing. Let’s keep rejoicing even in the dark times, even when others mock us and misjudge us. God will bring the truth to the light and will brink treasures out of the darkness in our lives. Praise His Holy Name.

  14. HEY REV says:

    As I read all of the blog’s sent b4 me they did say almost the same message. We are all guilty in saying something sometimes that we will regret later. I find myself first confessing
    I John 1:9 and when I can I talk with the individual if posible. If not I can ONLY TRUST GOD to make it straight as He know best.
    As I read His Word and a promise comes alive to me I HOLD ON TO IT as best as I can. The Holy Spirit told my heart:Phil 1:6
    BEING CONFIDENT OF THIS THAT THE GOOD WORK I BEGAN IN YOU (speaking correctly) HE WILL CARRY IT OUT FOREVER TILL THE DAY OF CHRIST JESUS RETURN, (or He calls me back home)

    So did I fail “SURE BIG TIME” many times.
    I wish I could say the last time I did will be the last time, but nay. I know He forgave me and I try to make amends than move on. Too many times I kept those kind of things in me too long and it pulled me down. NO MORE because I than see that God could not use me when He wanted to.

    This all started in the garden when slew foot twisted to Eve what God said. Has been doing it since, and will continue.

    Took a sabbatical for awhile because of the very reason this blog “BEING MISUNDERSTOOD”
    Read so many heart answer’s in the the other
    blogs and could not add to what others have said. Same like this one.
    Bottom line: YES we all have said things that we can say “YUCK” afterwards. Some are from the heart and some from the mouth before putting brain in gear.
    As you said,(I’ve been there and done it and got the tee shirt to prove it)
    Reminds me of a quote I read. I believe it not only speaks of actions but also words. We say someting wrong than put head in sand and wait it out. The Quote:
    A life spent making mistakes is not only most honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
    We all learn don’t we, and mostly from our mistakes.
    God Bless you all
    Hey Rev.

  15. kaliko88 says:

    What can we do? I think Brandon Heath’s song, “Give Me Your Eyes” says it best. “Give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so I can see, everything that I keep missing, give me Your love for humanity. Give me Your arms for the brokenhearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach, give me Your heart for the ones forgotten, give me Your eyes so I can see.” A good prayer.

    And sometimes we who are reclusive hide to keep from hurting others. It’s easy to forget while in our own pain, that the hiding can be another way to hurt.

  16. daisymarygoldr says:

    A very practical post! Especially when considered in the light of the conversation which took place yesterday. In my experience so far, I have learned that it is better to let the other person know the fact… i.e. what was actually meant.

    For general misunderstandings, I normally take the initiative to confront and resolve the issue knowing the rate at which I shoot off my big mouth. Sometimes the problem gets resolved right away, at other times when an attempt is made to mend the misunderstanding it only works for the worse…

    …but speaking it out to let the other person know helps me to apologize and also not to get hurt or be resentful or bitter against them. And to my knowledge so far, by God’s grace I have not encountered a situation in which I have parted ways with anyone over an unresolved misunderstanding… no matter how long it took.

    Yes, “we all know the pain of being misunderstood for something we didn’t say or mean to say” and I am glad you didn’t stop there but led us to wonder if even God feels the pain…because if this was just to talk about our personal hurts all of us would readily take up our harps to play melancholy tunes of how we were misunderstood by others.

    It is one thing to be misunderstood personally and it is yet another thing to be misunderstood for the sake of Christ and the God’s truths. So, how did God interact with both friends and enemies…when subjected to insults and misjudgments during His painful visit? The Bible uses the words doubt, unbelief to describe misunderstood or misjudge. During His ministry here on earth, it is interesting to find God in the person of Jesus, react to unbelief in different ways…

    1) His enemies: Jesus ‘rebukes’ the Jews for their unbelief:” Why do you misunderstand what I say?” (John 8:43-44). In Luke 4, Jesus ‘refused to do any miracles’ in Nazareth. He sought to ‘clarify’ the misconception that His miracles were done by the power of Beelzebub. He even ‘dared’ them to stone Him and wanted to know for which good act they meant to stone Him. At the right places Jesus also ‘affirmed’ the truth of His Messianic identity and Kingship to certain people.

    He always ‘got mad’ at the unbelief of the Pharisees and used strong, harsh words because though they knew the truth, they still would not believe Him. Yes, it is a fact that the natural mind cannot understand spiritual things. However, it is not that the natural mind with an intellectual grasp is incapable of understanding the truth from God. Rather, without the power of the Holy Spirit, just by one’s own effort the natural man is unwilling to face and accept the truth.

    And so, in the end the reaction of Jesus to His enemies was to simply forgive because “they know not what they do”. Jesus knew that without the revelation of God’s Spirit, the natural man is blind and cannot perceive God the Spirit who was present among them in the person of Jesus.

  17. daisymarygoldr says:

    2) His friends: Does it mean that after receiving the revelation of the Spirit, people stopped misunderstanding Jesus? No, they did not. How did Jesus respond to the unbelief of His friends… like Peter and the other disciples, who already had the revelation from the Father’s Spirit and had believed that He is indeed the Christ- the Son of the living God?

    When Peter misunderstood the Messiah’s mission to die on the cross, Jesus ‘rebuked’ him for not being on God’s side, but that of men. Jesus ‘wept’ at the tomb of Lazarus not because He mourned the loss of His friend or was moved with compassion at the grief of his 2 sisters. It is because though He had intimate fellowship at the home of Mary and Martha, they had failed to recognize the source of all life.

    It ‘broke His heart’ not only because they misunderstood Him, but they even doubted His love for them and accused Him of not showing up at the right time to prevent the death of Lazarus. He also wept and sorrowed much for the unbelieving people of Jerusalem that had rejected the opportunity to be saved.

    So, yes it grieves God, when the world has wrong assumptions of His unconditional love and rejects Him but it breaks His heart when His own spiritual family misunderstands to reject His loving faithfulness, compassion, grace and mercy to actually doubt, deny, forsake, desert, betray Him and express shallow faith… even unfaithfulness to not remain loyal in their commitment to follow Him… His heart yearns and longs for our undivided love that seeks not His gifts but simply Him… all of Him!

    For followers of Christ, there is no pain when misunderstood by unbelievers because they are doing it in ignorance …but it certainly grieves the spirit when our own fellow brothers and sisters misread and misjudge our love. If our Lord Himself was misunderstood, His followers will also be inevitably misunderstood. Therefore, even though others misunderstand, criticize and accuse us… we bear it all with joy. It is because we love, we speak the truth.

    The secret for me, is Christ who helps me to walk in and remain yielded to the Holy Spirit in order to not fulfill the angry inclinations of the flesh. And when our love for God and His truth is more than our love for people, it does not hurt when others misunderstand our loving intentions for them. When the messenger is shot “What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable” Matt 5:11 The Msg

    That is exactly my living experience right here at this blog site. To build protective barriers… is not an option for someone who really wants to share the truth with love. It certainly requires risky bridges but then, that is nothing when compared to the cost it took for our Holy God to show me His immeasurable grace.

    When I choose to take the side of God’s truth, misunderstanding certainly leaves me isolated on the “other side of the table”… but I do not feel cold and lonely because of the very presence of God beside me! “Great peace have they which love God’s law: and nothing shall offend them” (Psa 119:165)!

  18. SFDBWV says:

    I apologize in advance for repeating a story I told sometime back, but it bears repeating.

    When I was a child my mother took me to a local church that was having revival. This was in the mid 50’s and our culture was in the dawning of change.

    The preacher, stood tall and angry, had an angry look upon his face as he pointed his finger at the crowd of young teenage girls and told them they all were going to hell because they listened to that rock and roll and smoked cigarettes.

    He then went about condeming everyone else that didn’t see life as he did.

    We never went back, that church has since closed and the memory of it is left to such as I have shared with you here.

    In the many years since, I have come to understand that, in his mind, this preacher had a great love for God and Gods truth, and that he was doing God’s work and a great service for Christ.

    Was he misunderstood?

    Many people think that they are doing God’s will. But are they?

    The holy men of Israel thought they were doing God’s work when they condemend Jesus to be crucified by the Romans.

    Were they misunderstood?

    I think for me I must walk very carefully when representing Jesus and think I am doing the will of God. I can do more harm than good.

    Love, mercy, patience, forgiveness are some of the attributes I must put forth when presenting Christ, not the harshness of the law.

  19. Hisgirl4life says:

    So many wonderful comments to this question…they have touched my heart!
    More thoughts…”we all fall short” in our communication with others. I believe 3 of the most difficult phrases to communicate are:
    1. “I’m sorry, I was wrong, will you forgive me?”
    2. “I forgive you.” and
    3. “I love you.”
    Some may make light of these and debate whether they will be received well. That is not our job…it is God’s job to work in the hearts of all of us. Let’s face it…doesn’t the Bible say we grumble over things because we don’t get our way? Life is short. This is not our home. None of us is promised tomorrow. We are called to a higher standard as followers of Jesus. I believe not only do we grieve the Holy Spirt of God with our words and actions, but we also hinder the power of our prayers when we remain in a state of sinful defiance and rebellion. It has been an age-old problem since Adam and Eve. Only by God’s grace can we accomplish all things. Unfortunately, it is our own selfish pride that keeps us in a state of justifying our words and actions. The Church is made up of broken people, some dressed nicer than others. Some place more in the offering than others. God help us all to see the mission is right before our eyes each day in our homes, our workplaces, our communities and our world.

  20. wretch-like-me says:

    Hisgirl4life:

    AMEN

    Steve:
    A good story always bears remembering!

    Daisy:
    Glad to see you’re still with us.

    HeyRev:
    Welcome back!

    Stranger:
    Hope you’ll be a frequent blogger.

    Huggs
    frank

  21. dependent says:

    We seem to all agree and take comfort in the wonderful fact that God became flesh, dwelt among us, was misunderstood, suffered the temptations, trials and hurts common to man. It is truly amazing grace that our rescuer is now our advocate in the throne room of God and intimately understands and ministers to our hurts.

    But scripture seems to indicate that while God has been revealing himself since creation, it has been by degrees and through signs and shadows. A mystery that has been revealed and yet to be further revealed.

    I’m glad scripture records that even those who walked and talked and were mentored by Christ himself, struggled with misunderstanding each other and their heartfelt convictions on (T)ruth.

    Paul and Peter unveiled part of the revelation of this mystery, and were misunderstood by their brethern for a time, when they revealed God’s etenal plan for the Gentiles. And Christ-followers struggled with the ramifications of being misunderstood as they looked at the way others believers lived out their convictions. Paul spent a lot of time instructing how to be Christlike to one another when encountering misunderstandings surrounding living out “freedom in Christ”. Pretty easy to see how people got offended and misunderstood as they sincerely “judged” those who were living out very different convictions on what was acceptable or sinful behavior. Romans 14 and 1 Cor 8 is very instructful on the not-so-black-and-white areas of our faith that we tend to judge as obviously and without question black-or-white.

    As we consider Jesus and the model he set forth, it is wise to remember that he was always right. His words were truth, he was Truth. And that fact, combined with his ability to discern the very motives and see into the hearts of people, set him at a VERY UNIQUE position to understand perfectly and communicate perfectly in any given situation. I think we err when, in our efforts to be like him, we forget that we do not and can not communicate from his perfect perspective.

    But the cool part is we *can* and *should* strive to interact with each other with Christ’s ‘agape’ motivation. The kind of love that ‘covers a multitude of sins’, seeks to actually keep offenses from coming to light, minimize, or graciously believe the best. Patient, forebearing agape love that by its very nature doesn’t easily get offended or seek to offend.

    Communication ‘lubricated’ by humility to overcome the friction of pride.

    I believe in Christ’s matchless wisdom, he knew that the power of this Spirit of Love is the ONLY thing that wuold unify such a diverse, opinionated, self-willed, broken bunch of redeemed people into his bride. A picture of his grace and love and mercy.

    Finally, thanks to saled’s Babel/language comments:
    I wonder if this eventually perfect and complete agape-fueled unity relates to God’s plan to heal/restore the ancient confusion of languages that kept an evil, corrupted sinful world from “getting bigger than its britches”.

  22. poohpity says:

    dependent, very well put. The truth that is conveyed in correct interpretation with humility there can be no misunderstanding. When love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness and self control temper our words we see the reflection of the presence of the Holy Spirit in ones life. Against such things there is no law and no misinterpretation.

    It would be nice if before we opened our mouth that we would consider the words in light of the fruit of the Spirit. Of course we are unable to produce those fruit without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit but we can sure see whether one is being controlled by that Spirit or one’s own righteousness. Our words are to be the reflection of what we ourselves have been shown by the redeeming work of our Savior.

  23. daisymarygoldr says:

    Dear Frank:) You are always in my thoughts and prayers! Foreverblessed, missing you and your posts:)

    Been thinking about the pain of being misunderstood in our own families, work places, and churches. Never had to deal with misunderstandings within my biological family and at work… the professional distance minimizes the chance for being misunderstood. …but within the spiritual family of God, when suspicion arises among brothers and sisters, misunderstanding is easily created.

    Blaming, backbiting, slander, gossip and murmuring against a brother or sister in Christ is so not Christ-like. The interesting thing is that when the root cause is probed into, it was nothing but an ugly carnal issue. So, when Christians do not crucify our carnal thinking, we give occasion to the enemy to use the works of our flesh to cause misunderstandings… and to tear and divide the unity of the brethren.

    It is a sad day for the church when her individual members act like ravenous wolves to tear apart the body of Christ. The Body of Christ is for members to train as disciples and understand the governing ordinances of the coming kingdom of God. This is the sole purpose of Christ for His church which is often misunderstood to function as some charitable organization… the reason why Jesus did miracles was to convince others that He is God.

    Hence when we engage in an activity of self-interest (Phil 2:21) that is not specifically forbidden in Scripture, a Christian may also be doing something that is clearly forbidden in Scripture. Another ex. is that the Bible does not specifically forbid pursuing literary or scientific works but it certainly warns us against exposing our minds to anything that does not align itself in accordance to the wisdom of God that is within the written pages of the Bible… such leanings of specific self-interest groups will create factions…

    Let us then, cease to be carnal… even right here in this blog, carnality easily tends to misunderstand and confuse essentials and non essentials. If we emphasize on works that are not specifically spelled out in Scripture then we are in danger of causing our weaker brothers or sisters to fall in their faith. Those who are mature and strong and are called to lead…should bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please themselves and their interests.

    As the Spiritual body of believers we cannot segregate the church into groups called “Poor”, “PhD” and “Philosophers”…It was a carnal Corinthian church that divided itself to huddle into groups. Never throughout my entire life in which I grew up in church did we ever classify people based on our personal backgrounds… differences like rich or poor, literate or illiterate, Jew or Gentile do exist when we are in the world…but when we come out of the world to call ourselves the church… we are all the same i.e. sinners saved by grace!

    If unity in the body of Christ is destroyed, then we have destroyed the most powerful means to communicate God’s love through Jesus Christ to a lost world. Therefore, we are called to recognize God’s spirit working in one another and “Accept one another, in order to bring praise to God” (Rom. 15:7). A good, honest and open communication can nip problems in the bud. When such misunderstandings are resolved “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).

  24. daisymarygoldr says:

    Speaking of those of us who are misunderstood…even after being born-again, some Christians are controlled by deep feelings of anger and resentment towards other people and fear rejection. This maybe due to a poor family background, where love is absent in the interpersonal relationships among parents and siblings.
    Such Christians should first seek to feel fulfilled in the love of Christ. Once we are satisfied with and feel secure in the love of God, even if fellow Christians at church fail to show love we will not be hurt.

    And then there are some individuals that are very immature, selfish and self centered… not just at church but at home, work, school…always want attention and to be coddled with flattering words which we want to hear about ourselves …to make us feel good. We are so full of ourselves that we think only about ourselves. And so, when a general sermon is being preached… such people will take it personally and get offended. What we do not recognize is that it is not the Pastor but it is the nudging of the Holy Spirit that is convicting us of some wrong.

    And when we get hurt it is important to seek restoration. Others should refrain from sympathizing with the offended brother/sister and instead should find means to make peace between the parties. Our sympathetic intentions should not fuel more bitterness between the church and the offended person… that is false love which is seeking to divide… have personally experienced such false brethren when my father got offended with the church.

    Quitting church after getting hurt is never the right decision. Church is not some club to join or quit as when one wishes… it is the very body of Christ through which the life giving spirit of God flows. If we simply withdraw from fellowship, it will only cause to become more deeply hurt and disillusioned. Irresolvable matters should also end in forgiveness and a peaceful parting… with no bitterness or resent.

    Before we go to show our love for the lost in the world outside, Christians should be first devoted in love towards brothers and sisters that are bought with the blood of Christ. Remember, we may spend all our lives here to love our friends or family members but we will not spend eternity with them if they are not saved. On the other hand, no matter how hard we try to avoid loving our own blood brothers and sisters here on earth those are the ones with whom we will live forever along with our Heavenly Father.

    When misunderstandings are resolved right away within the church, the love of Christ unites “All the believers to be one in heart and mind” and that is exactly how by sharing resources among one another first before doing charitable deeds for others… the church enjoys the favor of all the people… and the Lord adds to the number daily those who are being saved. (Acts 2:47)!

  25. poohpity says:

    I do not think God makes any distinctions with who we should love just that we do. We will all feel hurt by many different people it is what we do when we are hurt that counts. We will also feel misunderstood by different folks at different times. A lot of misunderstandings come when some do not have ears to listen before jumping to conclusions or there needs to be clarifications but many do not have time to put into active listening, that is a learned skill.

    We are all students and need to open to learning new skills. Things that are brought to light on the blog may be problems that display themselves in our everyday life as well. Communication is a learned skill and when practiced stops a lot of misunderstandings.

  26. wretch-like-me says:

    Daisy:
    Glad youre still firing on all eight cylinders. I think somehow I am misunderstanding you again and wish for you to clarify a couple of points.

    I learned in a communications class a few years back that ‘echoing’ or repeating back to someone exactly what they said is the best approach to clearing up the misunderstanding. Sometimes, we dont hear what was actually said and sometimes the speaker says something they do not actually intend to say; but, the tongue slips and words are either substituted, omitted or reversed. The speaker hopefully listens to what his listener heard and corrects the misinterpretation with additional words or in a different form or illustration.

    Because we write or blog to each other, I make it a practice to review carefully what I have said before I hit the submit button (mostly to save myself the embarassment and improve my chances of being properly understood). As quickly as I hit the button, sometimes I have to correct what I have said or add something to complete the thought.

    Once it is sent, there it is in print for all the world to see. So, it is always a good idea to ‘critically’ review and consider the possible ‘other’ interpretation.

    So, here goes.

    Daisy, did you mean by what you wrote that the body of Christ should be ‘sinless’ before they evangelize the world?
    ie.’Before we go to show our love for the lost in the world outside, Christians should be first devoted in love towards brothers and sisters that are bought with the blood of Christ.’
    Please help me understand your statement.

    Likewise, I am totally lost understanding what you are saying by:
    ‘Remember, we may spend all our lives here to love our friends or family members but we will not spend eternity with them if they are not saved. On the other hand, no matter how hard we try to avoid loving our own blood brothers and sisters here on earth those are the ones with whom we will live forever along with our Heavenly Father.’

    You have the floor (as they say in Congress).

    Huggs
    frank

  27. foreverblessed says:

    Somebody asked for me (DMG) and I am really touched by that. Thanks for asking, yes I was reading everything, but have migraine, and then my thinking is sort of blocked.
    It still is, but I am so moved by someone asking for me, that will try to say something.

    It is good to blog, and it is communication, and we can learn in communication, whether it is in talking or in writing.

    On the receiving side, we could ask: did you mean this and this? Before jumping to conclusions. Like WLM is doing just above, he asks for clarification.
    Another tip: I am typing in a document, read and reread it, then login,copy and paste.

  28. poohpity says:

    Praying that your migraine is better.

  29. foreverblessed says:

    Thank you very much, Pooh.

  30. daisymarygoldr says:

    Frank, I am absolutely with you on communication and I am glad you asked me to clarify. I meant to say that if we first love our own brothers, then we can love others in the world.

    Christians should first love their own brothers and sisters belonging to the spiritual family of Christ. The natural family in flesh and blood is born in sin but when we believe in Jesus we are born again by the Spirit into the kingdom of God.

    No one can believe that Jesus is the Son of God unless it was revealed to him by God. That is how Peter, Mary and Martha and all the other disciples believed… but then, Judas had also believed, the demons believe and tremble at the name of Jesus and so do many others who call Jesus Christ their Lord… but these will not get into the kingdom of heaven.

    Obviously, believing in Jesus is not enough… that is just half the truth. The full truth in 1 Jn 5:1 is: “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is a born-again child of God; and everyone who loves the Father also loves the one born of Him (His offspring)” i.e. to love brothers/sisters in the spiritual family of God, our Father.

    So, for a follower of Christ who is my family: mother/brother/sister? It is not all humans in this world, not all people of the same country, not all siblings within a biological family and not all Christians who call Jesus as Lord… but there is absolute exclusivity… a very clear distinction when Jesus said that only those “who do God’s will is my brother and sister and mother”.

    And what is the will of God? It is not to eradicate poverty or disease and make this world a perfect healthy and comfortable place for us to live in. Paul, writes “the mystery of His will is this: [He planned] for the climax of the ages to unify all things and head them up and consummate them in Christ, [both] things in heaven and things on the earth.” Eph 1: 10

    Now that we know who really are our brothers/sisters and we also know what the will of God is, in 1 John 2 the Apostle of love is re-writing the same old love commandment as revealed in a new way when understood in the light of Christ. “Whoever says he is in the Light and [yet] hates his brother [Christian, born-again child of God his Father] is in darkness even until now.”

    It is impossible to love God or our bro/sis unless we receive God’s love. You see, John is not talking about human love based on emotional feelings. God’s love is sacrificial i.e. to love others regardless of whether we are being loved by our bro/sis. John himself could not really love his brother Peter until the Holy Spirit was given to the first church. Only when God, the Holy Spirit dwells within us (1 Jn 4:13), His strength enables us to love God and to love our brothers and sisters. And it is only if we love one another, God lives in us.

    “…those are the ones with whom we will live forever along with our Heavenly Father” means accord. to 1 Jn 2:15-17 we cannot love the world which will disappear and “avoid loving” means to hate brothers and sisters in church… those are the ones who will live forever. On the last day God will not ask us about what we did for the world… He will take into account all that we did for the brothers of Jesus. “Whoever does not ‘practice’ righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother.” 1 John 3:10
    Frank, hope and pray that this does not cause more misunderstanding:)…

  31. poohpity says:

    I understand that believing Jesus is Lord, died on the cross for our sins and then was raised in three days is the only thing that we need. (i.e. the criminal that was crucified next to Jesus). We are to love everyone especially those who do not love us back. Love is not a noun it is a verb. We are to seek the best for everyone at all times and in all ways.

  32. SFDBWV says:

    When God created the heavens and the Earth and placed Adam in the Garden, for an indeterminate length of time, God and his son Adam had a good understanding. I hope that they did not misunderstand each other.

    However, in another subject, God seen that Adam needed more than all of creation and the company of God. God saw that Adam was lonely.

    Did God misjudge the matter? Or did God already see the beginning from the end?

    It would seem that Eve misunderstood God’s command about the fruit and that misunderstanding led to a destructive course of action that ruined the relationship between God and man.

    I believe it is the same between people now. Misunderstandings can lead to the destruction of any relationship. This is not the will of God, I believe.

    Yet when we see the error of another Jesus reminded us of the errors we ourselves already possess. So we are to correct thoes errors first in ourselves, before we can hope to help another see more clearly.

    I find it interesting how when a person hears the truth, they automaticly know it to be true. I am of course speaking of believers.

    I also find it interesting how thoes same people are upset and turned away from attitudes of spiritual superiority. What is it that their heart automaticly identifies?

    I also wonder, why it is that a person who believes themselves to be Godly, above others, is unable to see their own spiritual snobbery? What blinds them? Why can’t they see the harm they do?

    Unfortunatly, I do know some who feed off the criticisms from others. The more others question their lofty self impression of Godly superiority, the more they feel they are suffering for God. So the stronger their delusions become.

    I am attacking no one, I am accusing no one, I am doing what I believe the blog is to do. Discuss issues in an open format.

    I believe that people who come across as superior to others are the saddest of all people. I think they are hiding behind that mask, in order to cover up the pain they feel.

    So they are to be pitied and loved. They are the easiest for most of us to totaly misunderstand.

    Steve

  33. rokdude5 says:

    Yesterday, a clerk prayed for a man who was trying to rob a check cashing store where she worked. Instead of being judgmental about the man, she was trying to connect with him and understand his motives. It touched him so much, he dropped to the floor on his knees. Its so awesome seeing the Holy Spirit in action. Praise God!

  34. xrgarza says:

    “Sometimes I don’t talk right but yet I know what I’m talking about”

    Lyrics from a song of my past, growing up it seemed that no matter what came out of my mouth was forever being misunderstood, since failing English in high school, I have worked so hard at perfecting my grammar and listening skills and now after thinking and rethinking about what I am about to say no matter how innocent and up lifting my words are meant to convey it is inevitable that someone will misunderstand me and have their feelings hurt.

    I once heard a parable about an old man a boy and a donkey as they walked through several towns. First the boy was on the donkey and the people criticized the boy for not respecting his elders, then the old man got on his donkey and was criticized for being selfish and inconsiderate of the child, then they both just walked through town pulling the donkey beside them, and again the people criticized them for not having sense enough to ride the donkey.

    Moral of the story, no matter where you are or what you are doing someone will be misunderstood or offended.

    So does Christ get offended? Hmmm well I believe that many offenses are in fact hurled at him daily, so he does in fact receive them, what He does with them are much different than what we do with them. His wisdom and knowledge and experience allow Him to handle each offense appropriately. Like our daily bread devotion mentioned this morning we should be walking as close to Him as possible so that we can learn things like handling offenses that are hurled at us, not to mention learning how not to hurl offenses as well.

    Xavier

  35. dependent says:

    Cool story, rokdude5! Now that is a great example of seeing someone through the eyes of Jesus–that ‘agape’ love that transcends fear and treats an ‘enemy’ as a neighbor to be loved as oneself.

    Got a pointer to this story that you can share? Would love to know more about it. Inspires me to want to live that sort of loving reaction…

  36. xrgarza says:

    Bubbles,
    The Bible says when you know what’s right and don’t do it then it’s sin.

  37. jjhis says:

    It has been a very stressful time in my life since lasting posting on the “care and convictions” topic. I shared about my personal life and how my family is involved in the caregiving for my mom. We have been dealing with misunderstanding between her and her other caregiver. Only this led her son to become angry with his mom because she is not the perfect mom that he wants her to be. She believes that nobody understands her and I see the other side. I repented of my anger and the result–harsh words, allowing the enemy a foothold, and sin against God. He has forgiven me and allowed me to ask my mom for her forgiveness. She said, O son I had forgiven you even before you asked. I read from the Bible to her(she is blind) I Cor. 13 and listened carefully to the Holy Spirit saying to all, “If I speak with….but have not love…. Love is not arrogant or rude…..it is not irritable or resentful…love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things… This is Jesus. Misunderstood here but so patient and kind. My mom likes to sing an old song “we’ll understand it better by and by”.
    “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been known.” Praise the Lord!

  38. daisymarygoldr says:

    Some more thoughts on what may cause us to misunderstand one another… especially here on this blog. One of the reasons that I had already mentioned above was the carnal/natural mind vs. the spiritual mind which led me to think about another factor that may cause us to be misunderstood. Some Christians mind earthly things while for others our conversation is in heaven (Phil 3: 20-21)

    Thought I would use my own example to explain this… not to elevate myself as superior but in the loving prayerful hope that at least this will help us to understand each other better. In our conversations here, whenever I mentioned pain, people here had wondered and even expressed curiosity about some secret personal pain of mine. When in my response to Frank, I had said “recognize and accept me”, from the comments made by others, I think it was understood—that I was looking for the acceptance and recognition of my person.

    It is obvious that when people are thinking in 2 different realms, we will surely misunderstand. If some are focused on things above while others are preoccupied with things below it is very difficult to find common ground. This was exactly how it was with Jesus and His disciples. In Mark 10, when Jesus warned them about the yeast of the Pharisees, the disciples misunderstood… Jesus tried to explain and reminded them about His latest miraculous feeding of 4K … but they still didn’t get it. In the end Jesus simply wondered “Don’t you understand yet?” The disciples had their eyes fixed on the bread on earth while Jesus was telling that He is the bread of life which came down from heaven.

    In another place in Matt 15: “Jesus called to the crowd to “Listen,” he said, “and try to understand” and to Peter’s request: “Explain to us the parable that says people aren’t defiled by what they eat” Jesus asked “Don’t you understand yet?” In Mark 9 when Peter beheld the transfiguration scene he wanted to build 3 booths because to his understanding the kingdom could be established right there and then. Also when Jesus talked about His death and resurrection the disciples were completely clueless about what He was saying. Instead they started squabbling among one another as to who was superior among them.

    Again in Mark 10 when Jesus persisted to teach them about the future events leading to His death, the gang was clueless. I’m thinking they were so intently focused on an immediate kingdom on earth that James and John wanted to make sure they got the highest positions of honor to sit beside their King and needless to mention, the other 10 lost their cool with James and John.

    Jesus finally gave up on the sleeping disciples when He was so overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, they did not stick it out with Him even for a single hour of prayer… not for Him but for themselves… that they don’t fall into temptation… and fall into temptation they did. Unfortunately, the disciples were so earthly-minded that they were unable to grasp and appreciate the Heavenly good.

    Paul addressed the pride, rivalry, competitiveness and division among the Corinthian believers: “Now we have not received the spirit of the world. The natural, non-spiritual man does not accept teachings and revelations of the Spirit of God, but the spiritual man [he examines, investigates, inquires into, questions, and discerns all things], yet is himself to be put on trial and judged by no one [he can read the meaning of everything, but no one can properly discern or appraise or get an insight into him]. For we have the mind of Christ (the Messiah) and do hold the thoughts (feelings and purposes) of His heart.” 1 Cor 2: 12-16

  39. rokdude5 says:

    Dependent – I would just Google “Clerk praying for robber”. Its a story that come out of Indiana. BTW, the clerk was scared but did pray and a sense of peace came over her.

  40. wpleasant says:

    Thanks kaliko88 I needed that.

  41. foreverblessed says:

    Sometimes, many times, our own convictions stand in the way.

  42. xrgarza says:

    daisymarygoldr,

    “When people are thinking in 2 different realms, we will surely misunderstand. If some are focused on things above while others are preoccupied with things below it is very difficult to find common ground.”

    I couldn’t agree with you more this is why the three most important fundamental things in life are Wisdom, Knowledge, & Understanding. The carnal man is preoccupied with the things of this life and couldn’t possibly grasp the things of the heavenly realms.

    Very well said!

    Xavier

  43. SFDBWV says:

    It is my upmost desire not to cause anyone any anxiety nor to give the false impression that I am in disagreement. I merely am wishing to express some thoughts for consideration or discussion.

    I live here on earth now. My feet are planted here. I must keep my attention on where I am and what I am doing based on this understanding.

    I have had to learn how to get along with all types of personalities, in order to have a polite and pleasent relationship with each.

    In growning up from childhood and stepping out into the world, I have always had to keep focused on the work given me to do.

    Jesus said we cannot serve two masters, I agree. In serving Christ I take on a very difficult journey of being in the world but belonging to another.

    So I then am now given the task of keeping focused on the work of this world while also keeping focused and influenced by the higher spiritual ideals.

    The two can coexist very well, and I believe should. However when there is a clash of servitude then always the way is clear, to do what the higher realm of service requires me to do. As in lying or stealing or adultery etc.

    I have worked as a laborer and admisitrator my entire life here in this world. While working in this world, I have tried to both share my beliefs with co workers and people I meet. I also have tried to be faithfull in tithing and giving to charities. I have always tried to do all within my ability to present the Christ to any.

    But I also have had to work here in this world in order to provide for myself and more importantly my family. My mind has also had to be on the work of the care and responsibility of being here, while doing so based in Christ’s teaching of how to do so.

    I do not feel that this makes me “carnal” in my thinking.

    I will not be able to be completly seperated from this world until I am either dead, raprtured or resurected.

    I have seen all types of religions that try and teach a person that they can reach a place of being totaly disconected from their body and their spirit bond with God in a levitated point of ecstacy. These people go to the mountain tops and chant their mantras, and in some cases take drugs to “help” them on their way. To totaly disconnect themselves from this world.

    This is not Christianity, nor is it found annywhere in the whole of scripture.

    We have to figure a way of living here, and still keep our attention on serving Christ in whatever capacity He has given us to do so, while here with our feet on the ground.

    Steve

  44. foreverblessed says:

    In finding a way of living here, how many times do you want to warn your fellow countrymen for the dangers of immoral laws? When will you conclude that this is not your battle?

    Isn’t it the same in your own life, seeing loved ones going the wrong way, you warn them, but they do not listen. You keep warning? When do you let go?
    It is hard to let go. I had to learn that myself, sometimes I think my migraine is because of worrying too much about loved ones who go on a sinful path, even after serious warning on my side.
    But there is no other way, we have to set our eyes on Jesus, especially when people do not listen to warnings.

  45. SFDBWV says:

    foreverblessed, not sure I understand your question. All I was trying to say in my last post is that we have to live here physicaly, before we move on to eternal life spiritualy.

    I wasn’t making any references to warning others of anything.

    Just trying to live here, while obeying the comands of Christ.

    Steve

  46. tkgag7 says:

    Someone stated, “…Isn’t it the same in your own life, seeing loved ones going the wrong way, you warn them, but they do not listen. You keep warning? When do you let go?”
    It’s hard to see those you love going into sin but if you truly want to be a servant of the Lord you must look to the direction He gave in scripture. Isaiah was called for a specific purpose. Popularity was not a part of it; Isaiah 6. As long as God has called you to speak you speak. When He says “Enough” it’s enough.
    We are not able to make that decision without Him.
    Remember when your words fall on deaf ears your prayers don’t. Share the TRUTH in LOVE.

  47. vcar1 says:

    In this lifetime there will be may opportunities in which we will be misunderstood and then have the option as to whether or not to take from such acts. Sometimes God allows us to come to a place of “death to ourselves” so that He can raise us up in His power. It is tough when our earnest efforts are taken wrongly. We need to take courage in the fact that God knows our hearts and that man, in his best, has limited knowledge and therefore can intermix feelings and thoughts and wrongly judge our situation. How we handle this is so vital in our maturity and in His willingness to use us in greater dimensions. Can we display the fruit of the Spirit or will our flesh overrule us and we retailiate back with ungodly dialogue. I never cease to be amazed how quiet Jesus was when he was being accused prior to his crucifixation. My flesh screamed “how could he” as I read this numerous times. It appears we all can come to a place in God whereby we trust Him and do not feel the need to defend ourselves; that quiet assurance that He will work things our for our good.
    As we continue to be tested by “offense” may we rise above the carnal way and bring forth glory to those that need to see Christ in us.
    Valerie Caraotta

  48. poohpity says:

    vcar1, wonderful Godly thoughts and words.

  49. fluer says:

    How ironic the bones of this original posting is lived out through the numerous responses to it! In an attempt to communicate about communication..some people were offended,and misunderstood,and frankly judged.How funny in defending what a supreme goal to live out of our spirituality, our carnality is revealed.

    SFDBWV- I am sorry u were misunderstood. I know you have a precious and beautiful heart,all one has to do is look at and listen to your contribution to this site.U are a beautiful man of God, and I know you desire to please him.

    I saw myself in some of the feedback to your posts, and I think I understand. Something about what/how you said things, appears to have rubbed up against some wounds. When I have experienced this in my own life, I have responded those ways as well.I think it is not personal,although u were the recipient.Ain’t being human grand?! Lol! Much love to all!

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