A couple of nights ago I stumbled onto a classic: The Confessions of St Augustine of Hippo who lived 354-430 AD.
A few pages into his story, I found myself gripped by the mind and heart of someone who in his youth broke his mothers heart… only to become a lover of the God he once ran from.
Looking back, a man who had once lost himself in sexual adventure lived to write,
“I will now call to mind my past foulness, and the carnal corruptions of my soul; not because I love them, but that I may love [You], O my God. For love of [Your] love I do it; reviewing my most wicked ways in the very bitterness of my remembrance, that [You may] grow sweet unto me… (Book 2 Chapter 1).
Even more than Augustine’s turn of life, what captured my imagination was the kind of God who satisfied him in ways that gave his life lasting meaning. In chapter 4 of Book 1 of his confessions he describes the wonder, and mystery of a certainty that now compelled him to write,
“Who is God [but] our God? … Most merciful, yet most just… most hidden, yet most present… most beautiful, yet most strong… stable, yet incomprehensible… unchangeable, yet all-changing… never new, never old…all-renewing… bringing age upon the proud, and they know it not… ever working, ever at rest…still gathering, yet nothing lacking… supporting, filling, and overspreading…creating, nourishing, and maturing… seeking, yet having all things…
[You] love, without passion… [are] jealous, without anxiety… [repent], yet [without grieving]… [are] angry, yet serene… [while changing Your] works, [Your] purpose [remains] unchanged… [receive] again what [You find], yet [did] never lose… never in need, yet rejoicing in gains… never covetous, yet exacting usury…
[You receive] over and above, that [You may] owe… and who [has anything] that is not [Yours’]? …[You pay] debts, owing nothing… [forgiving] debts, losing nothing.… And what had I now said, my God, my life, my holy joy? Or what [says] any man when he speaks of Thee?… Yet woe to him that [speaks] not, since mute are even the most eloquent.
Adapted from: Augustine, S., Bishop of Hippo, & Pusey, E. B. (1996). The confessions of St. Augustine. Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.
These quotes remind me of what Jesus said to Simon the Pharisee when he objected to the fact that Jesus let a woman of the street make a “fool of herself” by pouring fragrant oil on Jesus, and kissing the Teacher’s feet.
In response Jesus told a story about two debtors— whose debts were both forgiven by their creditor when they had no ability to pay. Since one debtor had owed far more than the other, Jesus asked Simon which debtor he thought would love the creditor more. When Simon came up with the right answer Jesus said, “Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” (Luke 7:47).
What I don’t think Jesus was saying is that any of us owed less than Augustine, or the woman at Jesus feet– before we were forgiven… For our Lord also said, “to whom much is given, much shall be required” (Luke 12:48).