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Trouble in 2s Maybe 3

For all of the harm they do, maybe we should post their likeness, aliases, descriptions, and modes of operation on public bulletin boards.

The 3rd usually goes by the name of “jealousy”. It’s been described as a possessive fear of losing something that we think belongs to us. God can handle the emotion in a loving protective way (Exodus 34:14). But it can turn us into a beast.

The 1st and 2nd are twins. “Covetousness” is a consuming desire for what does not belong to us. “Envy” is the ill will and bad blood we feel toward those who have been given something that has been withheld from us.

The story of these 2, and maybe all 3, is filled with murder and mayhem. 2 of them, maybe all 3, seem to be older than the earth. If not, they certainly show up in the Garden when our first parents ended up losing everything by wanting what God had wisely withheld from them.

Later 2  show up in the children. The older covets something the Lord has given his younger brother. God reasons with him. Shows him that he really doesn’t need to feel deprived (Gen 4:6-7).  But envy erupts into an argument, followed by a fight and a homicide.

After the death of the younger brother… two of the killers, and maybe three….keep showing up all of the way through the story of the Bible. I’m amazed at how often the stories of the men and women of the Bible turn around plots and subplots of envy, covetousness, and jealousy. Eventually, the 2, maybe 3, even go so far as to prompt a group of religious leaders to call for the execution of Jesus (Matt 27:18).

Who can deny the role they will play in the new round of “Peace Talks” scheduled to begin in Washington in a couple of weeks. It’s hard to say that either side is not being consumed by the 2, maybe 3, each at the expense of wisdom– and the other (James 3:13-18).

What really has me thinking though is that these two, maybe three, are not our real problem. Neither can we afford to see them as moral dangers to which we must “just say no”.

As James shows us in the third and fourth chapters of his New Testament letter, envy (3:13-16) and covetousness (James 4:1-3), can signal issues between ourselves and “the Giver of every good gift” (1:17). For as long as our struggle keeps us from finding our faith, hope, and love in him today, we will be vulnerable to these 2 and maybe 3 predator emotions.

This is not to imply a neat and clean, painless solution. The Bible does not say that life in its present condition is fair. Nowhere will we read that the chaos and mayhem in and around us are to be taken without a sense of grief and groaning (Rom 8:22-23).

But what if we asked our God to use even the hint of envy and covetousness as a helpful reminder of our struggle to trust him?

As the Apostle Paul’s own story suggests (Rom 7:7), seeing the presence of these 2, and maybe 3, could help us see our need to renew our confidence in the One who says, “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5).


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54 Responses to “Trouble in 2s Maybe 3”

  1. ckapac says:

    Hi, and blessings,
    I listen to a great podcast at pleaseconvinceme.com hosted by Jim Wallace. Why do I mention, this you ask? Jim is a cold case detective/ apologetics speaker and teacher. ( I highly recommend his material!!) Anyways. He often speaks of his job and has said
    “most homicide are the result of relationship/money/power”

    However, that being said, my 9 year old daughter said the other day ” I get it. Satan tries to rob us of our joy and who we are!”
    He was a liar from the beginning !
    Blessings,
    Karen

  2. SFDBWV says:

    These past 11 years have taught me much. I have learned many spiritual truths. Saddly and with some mixed confusion, one of the things I have learned are the three aforementioned *sins*

    The fact is I have never harbored any of the three moral disabilities known as Jealousy, envy, covetness. I had never wanted what someone else had, really never.

    That is until, I had to live watching my son be denied everything. He, one of the finest people I have ever known, and least deserving of his fate, denied friends, a wife, a job, his memories, the most basic of abilities, walking, using both of his hands, being able to swallow without gaging, able to go to the shower or bathroon without my help.

    Alive but denied much.

    So I find myself wanting all of the things Matthew has been taken from him. I find myself angry when I see some of the most base of people going about their day oblivious to the pain and suffering of others, only concerned with their own imediate self desires.

    I felt the pangs of jealousy when we atended wedding after wedding of Matt’s friends, watching them be so happy, then returning home to Matthew’s lonelyness.

    Please don’t misunderstand, I do not begrudge anyone of the happyness they can have, but I often covet it for my son.

    Strange as it is, I have even discussed this with my conversations with God. Woundering why He would want me to experiance such emotions through the suffering of another.

    I wonder if God feels the same pain as I do, watching Hid children go about life, crippled with the disease of sin. Wanting a better life for them but having to watch them suffer?

    Thanks Mart…

    Steve

  3. mike54 says:

    Steve,
    You ask “I wonder if God feels the same pain as I do, watching his children go about life, crippled with the disease of sin. Wanting a better life for them, but having to watch them suffer?” Yes, I believe he does. We read “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! Look your house is left desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord’”. Our Savior considered his children and their fate. He knew that the relationship, the life he wanted for them was one rich in wisdom and knowledge of the Father, and yet they strove for earthly things. They grasped with hands tightened like a vice-grip to the jealousies, envies and covetousness of this world instead of taking the hand of the one sent of God to stay their sins. And it is no different to this day. Many will not turn to Him, many will perish. Thanks be to God for sending His son for us. And thank you for sharing of your struggles for your son. May God bless you in your walk.

  4. Hisgirl4life says:

    Good morning all…

    Steve, how beautiful…thank you for your honesty and sharing from a father’s tender and loving heart. I see a glimpses of my heavenly father in you.

    Oh, to have a father who so loves his children…not wanting them to suffer pain, hardship, cruelty, abuse, all the things so familiar with this world, but instead wanting for them to know they are loved, cherished, honored, chosen, the “apple” of their Father’s eye.

    That is how our Heavenly Father views us too, Steve. He loves us with an unending love more than we will ever imagine.

    I can certainly relate to your words of wisdom. Once a single mom, always a single mom….I recognize in your words the pain of a parent from watching helplessly by when a child suffers. No, my grown son is not with the same degree of handicaps; however, the emotional handicaps he has suffered with have endured for years.

    At the root of all of the pain is the lack of feeling, experiencing and knowing his father’s love, affection, or even existence at times. Years of prayers offered to our Heavenly Father, words of encouragement of His faithfulness, a continual pointing Him to a Heavenly Father who loves him…never seem to erase my son’s deep heart-need for his earthly father to look up to.

    I’ve spent a majority of my life from his infancy trying to be a Godly mom, a living example to both him and his sister, but there is one thing I cannot do. I cannot be his father too.

    I understand too, Steve, the pangs of an “its-not-fair” attitude, a mother’s “please-take-away-his-deep-hurt” mentality. All of these emotions I know diminish the power of God working in his life for His glory. I’ve watched my son lay close to death twice in his life from an eating disorder…as young as nine years old, when he at a young age could not understand or deal with all the change that happens with divorce. I’ve seen depression steal the very things I longed and tried to instill in his life….How very much his Heavenly Father loved Him…at those time seemed to no avail.

    Do I understand all of the pangs of emotions Mart brought up? I will agree….life here is NOT fair. God never promised it would be…”in this life you will have trouble.” (?). The certain, one truth I hold in all of this, is that there is a better place, but it is not here. Heaven will be our home some day, if we trust in Jesus Christ as our savior.

    Our Heavenly Father’s love was so great, HE GAVE HIS SON up for us. I remember, waiting in a hospital chapel at 4:am alone one night, a conversation of crying out to God and listening to him speak clearly. His message? I could almost audibly hear…”I love your son too…I love him more than you can even imagine…after all, he belonged to me first. He is yours to love for awhile.” With those words, my heart of heart’s response was, “Father, forgive me…I know you love him…he is yours. If you choose to take him, thank you for allowing me to have him to hold for this time…I know he will be with you.”

    I believe the greatest pain as a parent, single or otherwise, is watching suffering in this world through the eyes and heart of your very own child. God experienced that before we were even created. I’m so thankful to Jesus for his sacrifice…and to His Heavenly Father for giving Jesus up so that I and my children can live with him some day. Until then, all we can do sometimes is pray, and cry out to him…he sees our motives, our tears, our heart’s desire. Steve, I pray this is an encouragement to you….I will send this with off with a prayer for you, your son and your wife.

  5. Mart De Haan says:

    Steve, you have expressed with such understandable pain and groaning why this can be such a struggle for those who want so much to be satisfied with what our God is giving us. I think it has something to do with the fact that faith cannot exist apart from the downward pull to doubt, nor can hope rise out of perfection, nor can love express itself without a willingness to know the real and unavoidable pain of sacrifice– even sacrifice offered up with joy.

    PS– hisgirl4life, I must have been writing at the same time you were posting. Thanks for joining Steve in expressing such heartfelt understanding.

  6. Hisgirl4life says:

    Good morning Mart!

    The understanding and compassion come from Him…just passing along the compassion from Him that I myself have received. Thank you for the inspiring and thoughtful devotion. Let’s keep praying for each other…on this blog and to all it reaches to.

  7. skybirdsmom says:

    Thanks, Steve, for your honest outpouring of wisdom and experience of personal pain. My husband and I experienced great pain when our daughter, raised in a Christian home where we tried always to set a good example, chose a lesbian relationship. We cried out to God in anger, doubt, grief, loss, and any number of other emotions. I envied parents with “perfect” children and grandchildren (which looked totally impossible). My daughter was never at peace and struggled for 4 years; I thank God that she left the relationship and struggles now to cling to what she knows is right.
    However, through that time, I began to realize how much we grew ourselves as disciples of Christ. God was calling us to a deeper relationship…to have the mind of Christ. How I love Him for that….I have learned to be thankful in all circumstances. We learned how to love unconditionally but with a firm stand on the Word of God. We learned to pray more. We learned that God does grieve each time we sin–and He wants so much more for His children.
    All that said, I loved your article, Mart. How true,how true. It’s always amazed me how often those 2 emotions, maybe 3, show up in the Scriptures. Abraham went after having a son his own way–maybe he was jealous of other parents and figured he could fulfill God’s covenant and fulfill himself as a parent. Jacob and Esau tore their family apart with favoritism (of the parents) and envy between themselves. The jealousy of Joseph’s brothers changed Joseph’s life and the family. God truly does have a message for us–so that we might be conscious of these 2 emotions, maybe 3.

  8. Hisgirl4life says:

    How true, skybirdsmom, how beautifully spoken.

    Steve, I believe in the most intimate of relationships, honesty is key. God is big enough to hear about all our woes, hardships, and thoughts…he already knows them anyway, as I know you already know. I can’t explain the whys or why-nots….I just know He cares about ALL his children…all those he created.

  9. pegramsdell says:

    Karen, that is amazing for your 9 year old to understand that! Good job as a parent.

    Steve, you touched me with the love you feel for your son, and the envy you feel for others who have no idea what you and Matthew go through. Of course you covet it for your son.

    I feel so much love right now for you and Matt that I cannot even explain. With tears I thank you and Matt for sharing your life with me. I am so sorry and yet I know somehow I am better for it. Peg

  10. SFDBWV says:

    Compassion, another emotion God feels and has shared with us..

    Thank you all for your sympathies, empathies and fellowship.

    Hisgirl4life, We struggle together as we want for others, our only desire for the blessings we desire for another. Yes, our Hope lay in Christ. How wonderful it is to have such a compassionate friend as we do in Jesus.

    Yes, this gathering of people, whom God has brought together here in this format, all suffer pain. No ones pain more than another. We should indeed pray for one another, with love as our motive.

    Living a life of walking on the water, with faith, a little affraid a little uncertain, a little cautious.

    But all believing, wanting to believe, needing to believe….That God will, wipe away all tears and restore all broken things.

    Again I thank you all for the friendship and fellowship you all have brought to my life.

    Steve

  11. Bob in Cornwall England says:

    Steve, thank you for sharing so openly about your feelings and your relationship with Matthew. It really just goes to show what is in a fathers heart and what is in Gods heart when He looks at us and all we miss out on.

    Hisgirlforlife, my best friend for forty years, who is now 77, brought up 5 boys on her own and lived in the USA for 17 years. Not only did she struggle, as you have done, to help them grow up as balanced as possible, she also had to deal with living in a strange culture without family support.
    When she returned to Britain in 1971 she had to struggle all over again.
    There are so many single mums here and I don’t really know how they cope and so many children end up in prison or have drink/drug problems as two of my friends did.

    Skybirdsmom, I too have struggled, as a gay man, with my emotions and how to relate to God and why some answers to prayer seem to be withheld, but I am getting there, slowly. I will pray that God will give your daughter the strength she needs to carry on.

    I never really thought, like Steve, that I harboured Jealousy, envy, covetousness, but I now realise that I have. Unlike Steve, who loves his son so much that he longs for him to have what he is missing out on, I have felt the same for myself.
    When I see a young couple in love I wish I could have that.
    When I see grand parents out with their grandchildren, I wish that was me.
    It would be so easy to follow this worlds lead and enter into a civil partnership etc. and try and have these things, but where would it get me and what would it bring?
    I envy those in church who are married and have children, they “fit in” with church life and all the bible “seems” to want them to be, while I can only stand on the sidelines and watch.
    But I am growing in Him, if very slowly, and know that what is to come is far greater than anything I may have missed out on in this world.
    Please forgive me if sometimes I don’t understand emotions or parenthood and relationships, that is because I have not experienced or gone through these seasons of life.
    I am just a single guy who knows Jesus loves him and tries to love Him back as best I can.

    Bob

  12. pegramsdell says:

    Remember Bob what Paul said in the bible about it being better to be single as he was. I try to remember that when I feel left out a church and other places. God is well aware of our situations and if He chooses to change that He will. Jesus was single too. :)

  13. Bob in Cornwall England says:

    Yes Peg,
    I know what Paul said and feel it a priviledge to follow in his steps and, as you said, Jesus was single to. So He not only gave up His heavenly home for us but sacrificed many of His human needs as well.
    That is why I try to look forward to that which is to come and not back at what can’t be changed.
    But I still wonder what life would have been like if I had followed the “normal” route.

    Bob

  14. bubbles says:

    Steve,
    Matt is BLESSED to have a daddy like you.

  15. poohpity says:

    I think Paul put it well when he said to be content with what we have in Phil 4:12, I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 1 Tim 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. If we do not have what we THINK we need that leads to those three and it would seem that we do not really trust God to be our provider. I have to tell myself many times not to desire what others have and that includes a husband but when I look around at all the problems in marriages I become content that I have everything I need.

    Steve you also live in an area where there are not a lot of services for Matt. I would be happy if you guys came down and stayed with me, lol. There are all kinds of rehab services and dances where Matt could meet some new people and He makes friends so easy he would fit right in. You could run for Mayor here. I know it is hard to leave the safety of what you know and have been all your life but it would be like a new adventure. Sort of like Abraham. I would enjoy you guys so much but it would be a leap of faith to move.

  16. poohpity says:

    This topic reminds me of what Bernie Madoff did because of extreme greed.

  17. Mikek says:

    Another great post. I gave been a believer since 1985. I am a seminary graduate and I thought I the sins mentioned in this post weren’t a real threat, after all I teach classes on spiritual maturity and discipleship. HA! Then in May ’09 my son Adam was diagnosed with Autism. I became engaged in a full-time battle with these sins, among others.

    I have a fear that somewhere deep inside my son is the real Adam trying to get out but his mind is preventing it. That would be close to H*@# on earth for him.

    I am comforted with the thought that one day…one day I will see him as God intended, without Autism and that thought gives me the strength I need to get through the day.

    Peace,

    Mike

  18. Bob in Cornwall England says:

    Todays “Our Daily Bread” Scripture somes up exactly how I feel, even though I sometimes dwell on what might have been with jealousy, covetousness and envy.

    2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (Amplified Bible)

    16 Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day.

    17 For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory ***[beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!],***

    18 Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.

    Bob

  19. pegramsdell says:

    Oh Mike I’m so sorry. I love Adam already and look forward to meeting him on the other side as well. You and your son are in my heart and in my prayers too. I am so glad that you are his dad though, think how much harder it would be for him if his dad was someone else who didn’t love The Lord. God chose well.

  20. SFDBWV says:

    What a wonderful group of people..

    Bubbles, (Kathy) we love you too.

    Mike, my heart felt prayers for you and yor son. It is that blessed hope that lights our way.

    Bob, God will reward your gentle and loving heart, as He is faithful to all of His promises.

    Thinking about the topic I was drawn to Exodus 20:5, “: For I the Lord thy God am a jealous God,” Deut 4:24, ” For the Lord thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God. Jos 24:19 He is a jealous God.”

    Then I turned to 1 Cor, “But covet earnestly the best gifts…” and 1 Cor 14:39, “covet to prophesy..”

    It would appear that these paticular emotions have a useful place in the work of God and in a way of explaining what or rather where our heart should be.

    If God were not a “Jealous” God as He himself has stated, perhaps He would not care enough to seek after each and every one of us, with an emotion we can relate to.

    For He Himself stated that He would, (Ezekiel 34:11).

    Pooh, you are just going to have to move to Bayard, God has on more than several occations made it clear where He wants me to be…Egypt was a temporary place for both the promised people and for a time the Christ, but not God’s intended place for them to be.Like Jonah, I tried to escape but was sent back. This is where God wants me to be…Thanks for the invitation, I know it is an honest one, and true.

    Fall is beginning to show its face here in the mountains, the Robins have all but disappeared and the deer are beginning to get their winter coat, the sunflowes have went to seed and droop as if asleep, the mornings are cool and most often foggy…the cycle of life seen everywhere.

    Steve

  21. SFDBWV says:

    Peg, I hope all is well for you there in Florida. Your post along with others brought tears to my eyes, yesterday.

    I wanted to call for a group hug.

    Never too late for that.

    Hugs to all, as our friend Frank was fond of signing off with.

    Steve

  22. foreverblessed says:

    Thanks for the group hug!
    Thanks for all your testimonies!

    Here is mine:
    I was on a holyday in Germany, and swimming in a natural well, called the Slangenbad. While I was swimming it was as if GOd said: There is still a serpent in you.
    I did not know what He meant, and left the matter in the back of my mind.
    When I came home, while watching our son at the football field, one of the other mothers, this beautifull woman came, and stood next to my husband, she always came close to him. And here was the serpent: jealousy!
    Never mind the beautifull woman, but mind the jealousy that is still in me.
    So that was the serpent, I repentant about it. And said to God, so that is it! I do not want to be like that, please forgive me. And fill me with Your Love.

  23. dja says:

    This site has been such a blessing to me. Mart, when I read what you wrote about the “3”, I immediately remembered a time of such awful jealousy, envy and covetness in my heart. Our children were young, and we traveled from Northeast PA to NJ to visit my husband’s sister and her family. When we got there, my sister-in-law took us on a tour of their home and pointed out all the beautiful new furniture. At the time, my husband was laid off and our furniture was old and falling apart. I smiled through the visit, saying how wonderful everything was, but inside me, things were not wonderful. I couldn’t wait to go home. In the darkness of the hour long ride back home, the Lord brought conviction upon me, and I quietly prayed for forgiveness and asked Him to make me content. I had such a peace when we got home. I didn’t even mention it to my husband. But that’s not the end of the story. The next day, a man that my husband had worked with called and asked if we could use a nice couch and chair that they were getting rid of. This man had never been to our house, and my husband had never mentioned anything to him about our furniture. He also said they would bring it up to our house-they lived an hour away. The “new furniture” was beautiful and served us well for years. The Lord is the One Who gives ALL good gifts!

    Steve: Then I read your post and was so convicted. No, I am not coveting material things, but rather, for 17 years I have said, “Why can’t our sons be walking with the Lord like our friend’s children?” Our daughter and her husband are beautiful believers and are raising their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. But, our sons who went to church and Sunday School, Wed. night youth group, family devotions and Christian School are not walking with the Lord. I know it’s Not what our hands have done, but what the Lord has , is and will do, but there are times when I am in church and I see the young people they grew up with married to godly spouses and raising their children rightly, that I am envious because my sons are not living in a way that honors the Lord. So, I thank you, Steve, and others, for sharing what you have shared because it truly brought conviction to my heart.

    Steve, Our yard was packed with robins this morning. My husband (who has had to take things slow for the past number of weeks due to surgery for prostate cancer)was enjoying watching them all trying to find worms and bathe in the birdbath. We know fall is soon because when we see this many robins (I lost count), we know they’re getting ready to fly south.
    Great is the Lord’s faithfulness!!

    ~Della

  24. pegramsdell says:

    Thank you Della for sharing your story. I have a kinship with you in that I have 4 grown kids and some of them are not walking with The Lord anymore. I was told that The Lord promises us our families and I pray it’s true. I pray for them to come back. I remember when they were younger and loved The Lord. I am also rejoicing over the day when they will come back. I did try to raise them in The Lord, so, He promises they will come back. Hallelujah!

  25. poohpity says:

    Steve, Bayard would be nice for a visit but I need the help of the services in the city with my disabilities that the country can not provide for now. Picking up and moving will always be an option later tho, so you might see me knocking at the door.

    To those people who have wayward children, I accepted Christ at nine and it took till I was 34 for me to put my life in His hands so never give up on what God can do. He specializes in seeking the lost.

  26. foreverblessed says:

    Thanks for the thoughts, being envious about others who have their children already in pace with Jesus
    made me think how we could change it around into something positive:
    as Pooh mentioned Phil 4:12 ‘I have learned to be content in every situation,’
    and in v 6 ‘do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your request to God,’
    I was thinking on how to apply this verse for our children:
    I must admit when I pray I am often anxious about them.
    Instead of being thankfull that God will answer my prayers for my children. And thank Him for their calling.
    Thankful prayers! and then GOd promises for us: v7
    ‘and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.’

  27. foreverblessed says:

    Thanks Pooh, even if it takes so long, God is still sure to thake care of us.
    What Mart wrote, it comes down to the point:
    Do I really trust God.
    It is good to come to Him, and be at rest, when I am anxious, be still with Him, ask for His love, acceptance, till it is allright with my soul. And in that peace, my prayers for others are effective. James 5:16

  28. dja says:

    You are so right, Pegramsdell. He does promise. Years ago, a good friend gave me these verses which I pray over continuosly: “This is what the Lord says: “A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more.” This is what the Lord says: “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord. “They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future,” declares the Lord. “Your children will return to their own land.” Jeremiah 31:15-17

    Thank you for the reminder, Poohpity. My husband came to the Lord at age 10, but then walked his own way until he was 39. It is indeed what Mart said. Am I really trusting the Lord? I know that only through Him can I rest and be still and know that He is God.

    ~Della

  29. poohpity says:

    I think sometimes we can take being content to extremes as well because we can become apathetic and not do anything to grow. Being so content that we never step out in faith as Peter did when he got out of the boat. I think there is a balance to achieve because sometimes we can get in a rut and do not take hold of all God offers us then we can become complacent.

    I think we can always somehow or another see how we do not comply with the Moral law but thanks be to God that we are grafted into the Vine to produce much fruit. It is not anything we can achieve on our own and ALL praise be to the Father the Gardener. Our roots are not planted in the dirt where they do not move and can perish but in Christ Jesus so that we are movable, changeable and pliable to be used by the Gardener for good works firmly grounded in Him.

  30. InHisHands says:

    Good Morning friends and may God bless you each today!

    Dja; Your story sounds so much like mine. I have 2 girls and 4 boys and 1 step-son. All have made profession of faith and walked the waters of baptism, yet they do not live a life that APPEARS to be a walk with the LORD. It is heart-breaking, but I cleave to the promise in Prov. that they return to the training when the Lord brings them back (my paraphrase)and trust that God loves them so much more than I do that He will do what it takes to bring them to Him. Sometimes, what it takes – is me staying out of His way.

    I have to go to work soon so I will have to finish thoughts later. Be blessed all

  31. scout1 says:

    I just wanted to add a quick note of “thanks” for the beautiful testimonies that have been shared. It is wonderful to get a chance to peek into the life of others and see what God is doing and can do.

    Blessing,
    Lynda

    Steve, is Matt getting better?

  32. foreverblessed says:

    Mikek, what heart rending to see your son so locked in!
    There are many children in our church who are like that, and the strain it brings on the parents. A mother cried when her son did give her a phone call, while on camp. He hardly ever showed a sign of contact. How hard that must be.
    I Pray that God will give you His view, His Hope for your child.

    How must God see us, we being sooooo far away from Who He is, so little of His character? Does He look with Hope, with Love and surety: It will come!

  33. bubbles says:

    Mart, Thank you for creating this place for all of us, and allowing fellowship to occur here. Some wonderful friendships have developed because of this place. Thank you for your hard work and thought provoking writings.

  34. pegramsdell says:

    My brother was in an accident years ago due to drugs. He was unconcious for 4 days and when he came to, he wasn’t the same. He suffered some brain damage and coudn’t be alone for any length of time after that. He even sounded different. He remembered some things, but he wasn’t the same brother I grew up with and knew me so well. I remember being so frustrated with him that I wanted to hit him upside the head to get him to come back to me. I hated it. He died a fews years later and I miss him so much.

    But…I do know that before he got so heavily into drugs he asked Jesus in his heart and he really did change. I saw it, it was real. We used to talk about God and being born again and the bible. I know that God gave my brother salvation. I am hoping to see him in heaven.

  35. Regina says:

    Good Evening All

    Hope all is well in your lives.

    Mart said, “But what if we asked our God to use even the hint of envy and covetousness as a helpful reminder of our struggle to trust him?”

    I think that’s a great idea. Think that envy and covetousness can sometimes sneak up on a person. That’s why, as Christians, it’s so important to pray, read the Word, hear an anointed Word (house of the LORD) and spend time with God on a daily basis.

    Thinking about Paul’s words in 2 Cor. 12:5-6 NIV
    “..but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. *But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.*

    Paul was trying to make sure that he didn’t do or say anything that would cause someone to be envious or covetous of him. Was also reflecting on the fact that Paul was given a thorn in the flesh by the Lord so he wouldn’t become conceited or prideful (2 Cor. 12:7). So the thorn actually helped Paul and others. Because of his thorn, Paul was always mindful of his need for God’s grace, his desire to strengthen his brethren and his “struggle to trust God.”

    Thinking about Paul’s statement, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord ..” Thinking he prayed with “a sense of grief and groaning.” Maybe groanings that cannot be uttered except with the help of the Holy Spirit.

    Pondering Mart’s statement again… Sometimes (maybe most of the time) God uses *thorns* as helpful reminders of our struggle to trust him because they provoke us to pray and put our trust, faith and hope in Him.

    Blessings,

  36. Regina says:

    Just finished reading all of the comments in this blog, and I would like to thank Steve, Hisgirl.., Bob, and all who shared personal, heart-wrenching testimonies. I’m at a loss for words, deeply moved and grateful that you allowed us into your private lives. I know I’m a better person for having had the opportunity to share in your lives (and share mine with you) on this blog site.

    It’s AMAZING to me how we can come from so many different walks of life yet have so much in common. The commonality of trouble in 2’s maybe 3, and the vicissitudes of life. After reading the comments in this blog, I was reminded of a scripture in Revelation… “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4 NKJV).

    Was also reminded of a favorite hymn that I shared awhile back and want to share again (thanks Mart).

    “Be Still My Soul” (by Katharina von Schlegel)

    Be still, my soul – the Lord is on thy side!
    Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
    Leave to thy God to order and provide
    In every change He faithful will remain.
    Be still, my soul – thy best, thy heavenly friend
    Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

    Be still, my soul – thy God doth undertake
    To guide the future as He has the past;
    Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake
    All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
    Be still, my soul – the waves and winds still know
    His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

    Be still, my soul – the hour is hastening on
    When we shall be forever with the Lord,
    When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
    Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
    Be still, my soul – when change and tears are past,
    All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

    Blessings,

  37. Bob in Cornwall England says:

    My day off today, which allows me to rest and catch up on stuff.
    I have just been reflecting over the comments and this topic and come to an overwhelming conclusion…..,

    “All things work together for good to them that love God!”

    Despite harbouring Jealousy, envy and covetousness, we have all been able to take it to Jesus and lay our feelings at His feet. So, to go back to an earlier blog, what could have been a Poison Ivy or thorn in the flesh, has become a Wild Blackberry and a blessing.
    With Steve it has shown how big a fathers heart can be.
    With Joseph in scripture, the Jealousy was turned against him but made him a great leader and made Egypt the “cradle & nursery” of Israel.
    In my own case it has set my mind on the things that are above, the promises yet to come to pass and the Glory of God that we will one day inherit because of Jesus!

    Again:
    “All things work together for good to them that love God!”

    Bob

  38. foreverblessed says:

    Amen Bob!
    I believe it is good that the hidden things in our heart, jealousy covetousnes envy, must come out must come to light and we repent of it, and then we will be more usefull to God, knowing that we need His mercy more then ever.
    Only a sinner can help futhering the Gospel to other souls.
    Our worst sins will become the best tools for helping others,
    Yes, all things work togehter for good to them that love God.

  39. SFDBWV says:

    Lynda, Thank you for asking, the answer to whether or not Matthew is getting better, is long and complex…But my short answer is yes Matthew continues to improve mentaly every day.

    The big ticket items for him is his inability to stand up without my help, or walk, roll over in bed, use his left hand, remember yesterday, or most all of his life.

    One of the doctors I had him to early on told me a truth that I see all the time.

    Matts memories are like a box full of jigsaw puzzle pieces that have been sattered all over the floor. They are all there just finding them and connecting them is the problem.

    The doctors at the hospital told his mother and I he would not survive the injuries he had sustained, they wanting to assess his mental faculties did not even give him pain medication….though he had many many injuries.

    When Matt wouldn’t die, they finally sedated him and let him slip peacfully deeper into his coma…they never believed that he was responding to me, though I know he was.

    They rigged him up with a feeding tube, a trache and told his mother to find him a nursing home, they never spoke with us again. He remained in a coma for over a month before he began to *wake up*.

    Today…Matthew gets on a weight bench and bench presses a 75 lb bar bell 400 reps in two sets. 320 and 80, He also does 518 leg lifts with a 35 lb weight while on the bench.

    He then sets in his wheel chair and curls a 40 lb weight 40 times, and does 100 reps with a 10 lb weight over his shoulder in what we call an exercise for his triceps…each arm. I do have to help him grip with his left hand, and some with balance.

    He gets up and leaning on me he walks some 200 feet in our house.

    Before he showers, he does another 100 curls with his left arm and the 40 lb weight, and all by himself he does 32 curls with a 2 lb weight, the 2 lb weight is about all he can grip and controll himself.

    We used to do more but it was too painfull on him so, for now this is his exercise routine.

    He can read, though too much of it makes him feel dizzy and nautious, like getting car sick.

    He watches TV and movies, he loves to listen to cds answer emails and play solitaire on the computer.

    We laugh together, we discuss the great *why* questions, Sometimes I almost can forget that he has any mental problems at all.

    So yes, he is getting better, slowly.

    At the outset of this matter I told his mother it was now a race, to which happens first his full recovery or our deaths.

    She died the first year of Matts troubles, But by doing so her death enabled for Matthew and I to continue.

    God has given us encouragement, and certainly has sustained us every day.

    I will never give up the hope for Matthew’s full recovery, never!

    Thanks again Lynda for asking.

    Steve

  40. SFDBWV says:

    Jealousy….The green eyed monster, as it has been called. In its worst state causes marriages to fall apart, friendships to end, even murder. It can and will lead to stealing, lying, and physical sickness.

    As we were warned, that we are unable to take fire to our breast, this trio of sins Mart has lain out for our consideration is no exception.

    Unchecked no matter what the *motive* behind the emotions, any or all of the 3, invoke, can like a cancer destroy the best of us.

    So as has been mentioned, we place everything on Christ, each day anew, we bow down to God’s authority and trust fully all of our fates to Christ.

    Steve

  41. Hisgirl4life says:

    It almost seems like an extended family, this blog, but then it is isn’t it….the family of God!

    Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. Bob in England your story about the single Mom…statistics are not in the favor of a single Mom…but GOD is. God and I are a majority! My grown children are my bestest of friends. We’ve had each other’s backs through trials, hardship and joy….I am blessed!

    Steve, you too understand the love of a parent…as so many of us here do. God bless you and your family as you continue to be a light for him to the watching world!

    Regina, how beautiful and encouraging your words also. Yes, God catches each tear, knows our fears, our desires and our dreams….he is totally in LOVE with us. I am so humbled of the fact that HE carries me with breath and strength each day…just HE does for each person HE created. Bless you for your words!

  42. Bob in Cornwall England says:

    John 15:12-14 (Amplified Bible)

    12 This is My commandment: that you love one another [just] as I have loved you.

    13 No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends.

    14 You are My friends if you keep on doing the things which I command you to do.

    Many here have given up there own life(self) for family and friends.
    Sometimes it would be easier to die physicaly than to care day after day for someone elses needs.

    Steve, when I think of Matthew, Glenna and youself living such a life thousands of miles away in the mountain state of west Virginia, I feel so humbled and sometimes ashamed at how little love is in me.
    But I am so glad I know you and that one day I will meet you.
    On that day Matt will be totally whole and doing more sit ups and press ups than the rest of us put together.

    Bob

  43. poohpity says:

    Jealousy, covetousness, and envy desire that which we do not have or want, also to cling so tightly to what we do have that our focus is on self and what we “think” will satisfy our deepest desires. God is the ONLY thing that can satisfy that longing within our soul. Normally they are things that can be destroyed or can be taken away at any given point even people fit into that category. How much time do we spend thinking about, talking to, searching out and gaining knowledge about the ONE thing that can never be taken away from us forever.

    One can tell what is more important to us just by considering where our time, eyes and heart are focused. Are we really abiding in the vine or is it just a passing moment of the day? Are we so busy with the pressures of life and obtaining things that we give very little time to the ONE thing no one can take away from us?

  44. pegramsdell says:

    Jorge I feel you are part of this group of bloggers. We are all a part of the body of Christ and therefore brohers and sisters. And the bible does say to greet your brothers and sisters with a holy kiss. A blog hug is the best we can do. lol…sorry, but I really appreciate your thoughts and totally agree with you about spending a few moments alone with God to recharge. The world is draining and we need to lay down our armour and let Him hold us and fill us with His power and fresh annointing. :)

  45. marma says:

    Jorge: Thanks for expressing your feelings and thoughts about the blog.

    Yes, there is probably a bit more closeness among the “old timers” as they know a bit more about each other having been on this blog longer. But I have experienced an openness and acceptance to people who come in new and have appreciated the importance placed on Christ, scripture and each other.

    I’m pretty new to the BTA, but I have been blessed by the positive feedback and the questions on some of my posts that keep me going to scripture and the Lord for wisdom.

  46. poohpity says:

    Being one of the old timers on here, I enjoy hearing from many people whether new or the ones that been here for a while. We were all new at one time but we just sat back and continued to post. In the guidelines which we tend to veer from often, they give rules so that everyone will feel listened to and accepted. Hopefully we have ONE common goal and that is to learn and grow in our wisdom and knowledge of God and to learn the art of communication without judgment and criticism. There have been many times when questions are not answered nor clarified which helps us to let go and listen and maybe down the line the answers come. There is no hierarchy we each are on the same level of wanting to learn and hopefully we will listen to what all have to offer. Sometimes people come in with an agenda and want to change things but it pretty much stays on the same path year after year an after one has been around for a while we listen and then get to know a little about the other posters. Some of us know each other off this site as well but the initial contact was here but we broke the rules.

    I know I have received emails that my posts were deleted because the powers that be did not feel it was appropriate or that they broke the rules. I hope we never make anyone feel that they are not accepted or welcome then it has defeated the purpose of this site. The topic at hand is usually what we discuss then that stops a lot of problems and feelings getting hurt.

  47. Regina says:

    Good Evening All,

    Just stopped by to say hello and hope you all will have a great weekend!

    Thank you, Hisgirl4life. :-) I know God is pleased when we encourage one another and bear one another’s burdens.
    Bob – was moved by your comment to Steve. If we long to be with one another in God’s presence, I wonder how great is the depth of God’s longing to be with us in heaven?

    Steve – I too am moved by your devotion to your son, Matt (my son’s name is Matt too). If every child in the world had a prayerful, devoted father like you, I believe it would touch the heart of God and provoke Him to heal the land. Definitely brings to mind 2 Chron. 7:14.

    Jorge – Like pegramsdell, I welcome you as a part of the BTA blogger family. I too feel new to this group of blogger comrades, but we share common ground in God. He so LOVES and ADORES each and every one of us! :-)

    Blessings,

  48. scout1 says:

    Howdy!

    Steve- thank you for answering my question so completely. I have been thinking about you and your son when I was on my way to work and then again tonight coming home-(12 hr. shift).

    You are so eloquent and understandable when you write. Have you ever considered writing a book about your life -times with Matt and all the lessons and blessings God has provided to you? The depth of your trial I do not think that I could bear -but what special wisdom and thoughts God has laid upon you. I know because you share them here.

    In my thought and prayers,

    Lynda

  49. Bob in Cornwall England says:

    Again a day off and a chance to sit in bed with my laptop and a cup of coffee chatting to God and hopefully listening as well. I sometimes think my only time with Him is via my computers, but the age of electronic communication is changing the way we chat to each other and God and is an amazing way to be with people from all over the world.
    Jorge, I have been on this blog for just under a year now and came in with an arrogant attitude to my USA friends as I thought all American christians were like the TV evangelists and I was going to bring them down a peg or two.
    But then I got to know the people here as they really are, like Deb(Pooh) I have managed to seek out some and we email from time to time away from this blog.
    Because electronic media, like text, is not face to face and there is no voice to get emotion from, we have to sometimes over state the point to get across how we feel and this sometimes causes confusion and offence.
    We are very privileged to be able to comment on this blog. When you think how many people there are in this world and how few come here to share their thoughts, it amazes me where all the other are? I know Mart and the team edit out the “nasty” ones, but I also know I have made some bad comments and Mart has left them in.
    Anyway Jorge, I have always seen you as being a fully paid up member of the team and give you a **BIG HUG**

    Bob

    ps.
    Steve, I am looking forward to this book :-)

  50. SFDBWV says:

    When I was a boy I remember seeing an old movie called “How Green Was My Valley”. As Glenna and I sit on our swing and discuss life or sometimes as I just quietly ponder the day, I sometimes think of that story.

    To this day I cannot watch it without some tears.

    I think we all have a “Book” in us, each of us effected by the trials and tribulations of life while being equaly effected by the people who are in our lives as well.

    Every person in our lives, every big or small event, part of what makes us whom we become.

    Saying goodbye to thoes we love, and hello to new ones.

    Most of all our story at some point becomes a story of how we come to Christ and how God changes us. How His presence is interlaced throughout our lives.

    How we witness miracles as well as disasters, how we learn to lean on and trust in an useen God, that can be seen in the face of nature and the faces of all the people in our lives, if we learn to recognize Him.

    Yes, we all have a book in us and we can all learn from each other, as well as share our joy and our grief.

    Imagine this, we are all chacaters in God’s Book of Life, your story and mine…there for all eternity.

    Steve

  51. poohpity says:

    Honestly, Bob, a TV evangelist, lol. That has had me cracking up for an hour now. It is so very interesting to see what your like through another person’s eyes. Wait excuse me while I take my T-shirt and jeans off and put my nice clothes, false eye lashes, wigs and call for my driver to take me to my expensive home that a majority of the people who follow me can not afford but will give me their last penny to preach what they can read in the bible. I hope you understand that this is said in humor, please read it in that tone.

    To me you seem like a very sensitive man who has had to protect yourself from the ugliness in the world to feel accepted, wanted and loved. I hope you have found that in Jesus and this blog. ;-)

    A TV evangelist, I am still smiling over that one, rofl.

  52. Bob in Cornwall England says:

    Thanks Deb, just read your post and you made I laugh, as we say in the west country.

    The sad thing is I honestly thought you were all like that.

    I have been watching too many American films(movies to you).
    perhaps we need more reality TV…. lol

    Bob

  53. poohpity says:

    (sarcastically) Yep reality TV will do the job it is so real, lol.

    People are all relatively the same, with the same needs and wants no matter what language they speak, what their culture is or what traditions they practice. They are all human beings and all is common to mankind.

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