Who would doubt that, all too often, we are our own worst enemy?
Without minimizing the great harm that others can do to us, and to those we love, who can deny the damage that we do by refusing to forgive ourselves for the foolish and hurtful things we have done– even after admitting that God, himself, has made us an offer of mercy?
Certainly, there is a time to feel the weight of our wrongs. It is for good reason that the liturgy of some of our churches leads us to confess that we are “miserable sinners.” Why else would we be more interested in our own pleasure than in doing something about the pain we are causing others?
There is a time to acknowledge the truth about ourselves, as difficult as that may be. But with such honesty there also comes a time to turn our eyes away from our real guilt and shame to the One who, according to the Bible, is, apparently, far more ready to forgive us– than we are.
What does lingering self-contempt tell us about ourselves?
Could we be expecting too much of ourselves? While grieving what we have lost, is it possible that we are putting more pressure on ourselves than God himself does? Psalm 103 says, “He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities His children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” (vv.10-14).
Could hating ourselves for what we have done be a self-defeating way of loving ourselves on our own terms– rather than on God’s?
Is it even possible that “expecting too much of ourselves” isn’t the broken humility that leads to real forgiveness– but rather a wounded pride that is keeping us from looking into the eyes of the One who has died for us?
Could self-condemnation be prolonging our sin?
Isn’t self-condemnation the opposite of the gratitude that opens our hearts to God?
Maybe that’s why the Apostle Paul was so transparent about his own wrongs (Romans 7:15-20)– so that he could openly acknowledge that his joy and confidence were in what Christ had bought for us– rather than in anything he could brag about in the flesh (Romans 7:21-8:4).
Could it also then be time for us to stop beating ourselves up– and to think about the inexpressible pain and wounds that our Savior endured… to set us free? (Isa 53:4-6).
Note: This post is adapted from a longer article I wrote a few years ago. The original gives more context and detail. If you are interested you can find it at this link. Am especially interested to hear how our wider circle of friends has come to terms with this difficult issue.
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