Diane and I have been married for 31 years. For more than three decades it seems as if we’ve been talking, laughing, and disagreeing about almost everything.
My reason for mentioning the disagreements is that I’ve been thinking again about one issue we’ve found especially difficult. Time after time we’ve argued about the way women are treated in our circles. Having served on church elder boards, I’ve repeatedly argued that most of the men I’ve known are doing the best they know how to do. Di insists that all too often the good that men are trying to do doesn’t reflect an understanding of the needs of women.
Roots of a Disagreement
There is a history to Di’s concern. She has been deeply involved in domestic crisis issues in our church and community. As a result, she often sees women and children hurt by men who not only know the Scriptures, but who also use the Scriptures to demand unreasonable kinds of submission and silence. Di regularly reminds me of ways men use the biblical principles of headship and submission to multiply the pain of women and children.
In response, I’ve reminded Di of the progress we’ve made. I’ve assured her that along with a lot of other men, I’ve realized that headship gives husbands the authority to serve their wives, not lord it over them.
A Problem of Credibility
The progress that reassures me, however, is another thing that troubles Di. Along with a lot of other women, Di is struggling to understand why men are suddenly talking about servant leadership and sacrificial headship. Why has it taken so long to see that principles of submission and love must be offered voluntarily of ourselves rather than coerced from one another? What does such an obvious oversight in the past say about our ability to see clearly on other issues now?
Seeing the Light
Di has been right more often than I want to admit. As a woman, wife, and mother, she understands better than I do how women are hurting. She has helped me to see how much damage is done when the Scriptures are misused to get relationships shaped by power and authority rather than love and respect. In the process, I think I’ve developed a deeper awareness for how careful I need to be in applying the Scriptures to the relationships of men and women.
Handle the Scriptures Like a Loaded Gun
Safety first is the rule for firearms. Always treat a gun as if it is loaded. Be careful where you point even an unloaded gun. Whenever you shoot, know what is behind your target. Don’t risk unintentional injury or death.
The Scriptures deserve to be treated with as much care as a loaded gun. The Word of God is dangerous in the hands of people who use biblical principles to get their way. A man who wounds a woman’s spirit by using the Bible like a club or a gun is not using the Word of God for its intended purposes. He is promoting a heresy of misapplication.
Handle the Scriptures Like Prescription Medicine
Prescription medications are ordered by a doctor for a specific person with a particular problem, and they’re to be taken in a definite manner for a certain length of time.
The Word of God is like prescription medication. It is to be administered with an understanding of where love and truth are missing. It is to be offered carefully in the right manner to the right person. Forgiveness, headship, submission, comfort, peace, reconciliation, and restoration are all meant to be thoughtfully and carefully applied in the Spirit of Christ. When they are forced down the throats of others, in an effort to get our own way, we risk choking the spiritual life out of the one we are trying to control.
Handle the Scriptures Like a Timepiece
An analog watch cannot be taken apart and put back together without great care. Every part must be put in its right place. Gears designed to work together will not work apart from their original design.
In a similar way, the Word of God is meant to work according to the design of the Spirit of Christ. Headship and submission were not intended to help husbands dominate or control their wives. Repentance and forgiveness were not meant to guarantee restoration on demand to offenders. Each principle has a God-given time and place. We can’t afford to misplace any piece. All were meant to work together to provide help rather than harm in the family of God.
Handle the Scriptures Like Seed
Seed in a farmer’s barn is valuable because it contains the future harvest. But before it will bear fruit, the seed has to be planted at the right time in specially prepared soil. In order to germinate and grow to maturity, seed requires the right amount of water, seasonable temperatures, and time.
The Word of God requires similar attention. Knowledge alone will not change a life. In fact, the accumulation of biblical knowledge can lead to arrogance (1 Corinthians 8:1) and legalism. If planted in a cluttered heart, the seed of the Scriptures will shrivel and die (Luke 8:5-8). Even though a person knows enough Bible to sound authoritative, the result can be to use the Scriptures like the devil, rather than like Christ (Matthew 4:1-10).
Forgive me, Father, for using Your Word for my own purposes rather than Yours. Forgive us for hurting Your reputation by using Your words to hurt those who need our love. Help us to have the kind of hearts that give others reason to trust You. —Mart De Haan
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